Practice Problem (Sudden Shocks)

[Angusp]

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to the forum and before I start I'd just like to say how great it is to see so many people apparently engaging sincerely with their practices etc.

Whilst I do actually have a meditation teacher (Soto Zen) and kung fu teacher (Yi Chuan) who I can and will approach about this problem, I would still appreciate any help people could give me with this.

Overall the benefits I have had from practice over the past three years are immense, and whilst I have encountered problems before, the positive results of practice have outweighed the negative a thousandfold.

My current problem is this:

While practicing both meditation (shikantaza), chi kung and kung fu I have noticed a tendency for my practice to become unsettled by loud noises. Having settled into a session I sometimes find that a sudden loud sound - maybe my dog barking, a car horn or a member of my family shouting to someone - will JOLT me. The sensation is just like being suprised or given a sudden shock. The destabilising effect it has on my mind and body can last beyond the session until the next morning and is mildly unpleasant.

There are specific physiological symptoms of the shock - it feels rather like the sound goes through my body. A while later i may get a jump or kick from my dantien/abdomen. Also there may later be a tightening around my left shoulder. Likewise later I may notice a slight feeling of emptiness or tightness around the perinium region. Also light muscle contraction and spasms - or chi movement - running up the left side of my body from around the dan tien along via the heart region to my left shoulder and up the left side of the neck. Another sypmtom is slight tightness at points on my feet. These symptoms may manifest a while afterwards and then gradually subside over the next few hours, or day or so.

Associated with the physiological side is a tendency to slight nervousness - this mood passes as the physical symptoms subside. It feels rather like some chi has jumped upwards to my head (rather than sinking down and settling) and produces an anxious feeling which doesn't seem to dissipate greatly even with conscious intention to relax.

Concentrating lightly on my feet sometimes re-sinks the chi slightly. But I still do not feel quite right.

It would be easy to see this as symptoms of forced practice, only I feel that I have become reasonably competent at resting in a non-intentional state in zazen. My ability to concentrate (i.e. to stay with the practice and not wander off) is reasonably good. I also feel I have a clear awareness of what non-intention is, and also of the difference between applying gentle intention and forcing the mind. When practicing, I always try and 'let nature do the work'.

Perhaps these are reprocutions from having occasionally forced my pratice when i began learning, as I'm sure I did overapply my mind on occasion when first learning chi kung and also when doing meditation on the breath when developing my concentration.

The symptoms I have described starting manifesting roughly a month or so ago. I have been practicing for two or three years and have done several retreats. I just started living at home again about four months ago and have had members of my family disrupt my practice on occasion. Consequenly I instructed them never to do so, and I try and practice early in the morning when there is no chance for them to do so. I do still do kung fu and chi kung outside during the day if I need to refresh myself during my studies (I am an MA student of Buddhism).

I'd greatly appreciate any advice anybody has. My general approach has been to try not to make a big deal out of the problem, as I feel that the more I worry about it, the more reactive I will become.

However, my mind/body seems to react to whatever loud sound occurs INSTANTANEOUSLY, the moment the sound happens. In other words, my mind/body reacts more quickly than I would be able to intervene intentionally (if I chose to, though I have avoided doing so). The negative reaction - the 'shock' - has already happened by the time I have noticed it...

As I say, my general approach to this problem has been to avoid making an issue of it. However, my 'body' and (subconscious?) mind appear to be doing that for me! What was a minor problem is now begining to feel like an impediment to practice. Almost every practice session my body will react to some or other sudden noise - e.g. a car horn, or some hydraulic brakes out on the road - and my 'chi' will become scrambled.

I would try and take more remedial action by practicing chi kung again, but that would risk repetition of the same probelm and only recompound things (aaaagh! - laughs! )

I have resisted trying to rationalise the problem, though one way might be to say that my practice is uncovering some deep unconscious problems which have coalesced into this one issue. Or perhaps it is just faulty practice... I would very much appreciate some remedial advice - be it 'stop practicing for a while' or whatever else it might be.

Many thanks for your time and Best Wishes to you all,

Angus


Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha

[Darryl]

Re: Practice Problem (Sudden Shocks)

Originally posted by Angusp
My general approach has been to try not to make a big deal out of the problem, as I feel that the more I worry about it, the more reactive I will become.

Hi Angus,

Welcome to the forum

I must say that your query is very interesting and that your approach so far in dealing with it is very insightfull, so my congratulations to both you and your Sifu's.

I would say first that I don't formally practice meditation beyond Standing Meditation as part of my overall practice and entering a Chi Kung state of mind (or Zen state). With that in mind, I may be stating the blatantly obvious but as it works well for me, I will post it here .

From my own experience, I have had people walk in the room, a ringing phone or a barking dog and whenever any of these events have occurred, I have felt a similar 'surfacing' sensation but instead of placing any importance on it, I gently remind myself that it's just a noise/just a dog barking/just a phone ringing and with no emphasis placed on the event, I naturally return to where I was. Sometimes it takes a little time, othertimes it feels like I never really left anyway.

My own suggestion is that in telling your family not to intrude, you are creating a definite 'tension' or barrier to your practice. If you are disturbed, just remind yourself it's just a noise and dont fight the distraction, instead let it go by like any other distraction. If you find that your chi goes someplace else, let it go and then gently let it come back.

I also agree that it could be a manifestation of a blockage, it could also be that your shen is too weak just now. Regardless of anything and everything else, I would be very interested if you could keep us updated of your progress, your Sifu's advice and your practice.

I would try and take more remedial action by practicing chi kung again

When did you stop? Could you elabourate on your Chi Kung practice, the style, duration, length of time practicing etc.

[Angusp]

Dear Darryl,

Thanks for the prompt reply, and thanks for actually taking the time to read through all that.

I think my comment about taking remedial action mislead you - I still practise everyday. When I talked about whether to go back and try and remedy any imbalances, I was talking about going back and doing more chi kung soon after a session, during time I would normally be working/daydreaming.

Ironically I was practising outside today and my mother didn't know where I was. She had to go and pick up the dog from the vets and wanted to find me. Forgetting what I said about not interupting, she opened the window and shouted out to me that she was going. I didn't appear to have any problem, or any imbalance resulting from being disturbed. My mind just naturally settled back into the practise.

Suffice to say I think this is a problem I can work through just by maintaining a calm open easy and relaxed approach to my practise, as you suggest. Unambitious but casually persistent ...

To be honest with you the other thing I should do is talk to my teachers before going any further. A Taiwanese Chan monk I asked on the net said to me that he felt it would be disrespectful to my teachers if he give me any advice, and that I should talk to them about it. From a traditional point of view I guess he was right - it hadn't occured to me that way at all to be honest.

Nevertheless, thank you for your kindness -

Best wishes,


Angus

[Luo Lang]

Grüezi and Welcome Angus!

[Darryl]

Originally posted by Angusp
To be honest with you the other thing I should do is talk to my teachers before going any further.

Absolutely. I had thought that you were going to ask your Sifu's regardless of what was said, since that is what I would have done as well .

Good to hear you didn't get 'shocked' by your recent experience.