Ray's Training Journal

[Ray]

I blinked and I already missed it. Sighing, I pressed back on my VLC player to try catch that movement Sifu Anthony Korahais was performing for Fierce Tiger Crosses Stream. I felt a little embarrassed that he was already slowing down to demonstrate in the video clip and he was still too fast. I swear that I needed a clip series at molasses speed to learn some of the techniques. I checked again at the pictures, trying to figure out which arm I was using.
All that Tai Chi practice with friends was really paying off though. Even though my learning was still pretty hap hazard I could still tell some improvement. I guess it's because internal arts are internal arts. At the very least my experience and understanding of mind and energy had improved significantly. Still, I had a long way to go before I reached the heights of those monstrous super saiyans that are my seniors. I felt especially proud of myself tonight since I had managed to get a good portion of Fierce Tiger Crosses Stream. At the same time, my tai chi practice had deepened my meditative state of mind and energy flow. At the end, I would often feel energy cleansing at the base of my spine. Tonight, I felt ravenously hungry even though I already ate dinner.
I also discovered that I had become addicted to italian noodles from Trader Joe's. Those cheap one dollar packages made of durum wheat. One minute of boiling a little olive oil, salt, and pepper, and you had dinner for the tight budget student. The past few days had been pretty rough. I had no idea what astrological alignment had occurred but I was emotionally a little wacked. Trying to take all that cleansing as best I could I learned how powerful smiling from the heart and breathing really were, especially when used together. I was grateful for the learning experience, but I could really do without the insomnia-due to cleansing-evenings. 8:00 classes did not require an emotionally off kilter zombie Ray.
Going back to practice I discovered that what was really inspiring to me was the depth of the simple combat sequence sets. When I entered a chi flow and a meditative state of mind and used my intention, it was marvelous and I could really appreciate how someone ends up with more energy each time they practice "Black Tiger Steals Heart". It may be a small, bizarre arsenal I had now, but I felt pretty honored and proud nonetheless. In fact, I remembered recently during a fast I practiced "Golden Dragon" for fun. Up until that time I couldn't quite get the Dragon spirit right and didn't quite understand the dragon claw hand form. Then, that day it simply flowed and I stopped and looked at my hand-- just appreciating what happened.

[Ray]

When my father left the voice message he was typically brief. Something "urgent", but I had no idea if he meant "come back home now" urgent, or "I really need you to help mail this for me" urgent. It was bad news, someone we know had gotten some bad test results back: cancer.
I wasn't very close with this person, but this person had seen me grow up, and I felt pained at the thought of the kind of suffering this person was experiencing. This person was already quite old, and I doubted the typical cancer treatment was even a viable option.
I thought immediately of calling, but I had no idea what to say. When I finally did make the call, it was after a very long tai chi session. I couldn't even begin to describe how marvelous internal force is (even the small ounces that I possessed) and keeping my emotions in check I finally dialed the number on my cell phone.
No answer.
I hung up and dialed again.
I heard a very weak voice on the other line. "Hello?" A whimper.
My father had given me some advice on the phone call, but as is typical, it was pretty vague, and didn't really help. I don't think he really knew what to say either, but being my father he wanted to be able to give me some kind of advice. He was that kind of proud, caring man.
I explained that I had already heard the bad news, and said how much it saddened me. This person seemed to try real hard to cheer me up, uttering such things as "Don't worry, I'm so old already what do I have to be afraid of!" This person had always needed attention, needed to feel noticed. I don't know when I had realized that truth, but it was one of those truths that you just knew one day, like how you know you can count on a person for anything. I think my genuine sadness did bring some kind of joy but the voice at the other end was so weak--the will to live was already gone. I knew the power of thoughts, and my head lowered.
"Don't worry, just remember the kind things I did, forget the bad things." It was a common request. Remember me fondly, that's all I ask. Of course I would.
I felt a flash of insanity in my brain. I would somehow plan an elaborate plot to drag this person to Malaysia and attend an Intensive Chi Kung Course. But no, I was well aware of how small my voice was in influencing some people in my life and something as fantastic as chi and curing incurable diseases would simply bounce off their disbelief.
I hated that feeling, that feeling that I had a magic potion that could end so much misery, but even if I handed it on a silver platter with ribbons while on my knees begging them to take it, they would still refuse or simply
not invest themselves fully. I wish I could take ignorance, inflate it into something and then beat the living hell out of it.
There was coughing on the other line.
"Take care of yourself" I said.
"I need to go, coughing very badly."
"Get some rest."
The phone hung up and I really wanted to kick something, frustrated.
I ended up muttering a few prayers to Guan Yin and Green Tara to ease the transition for this person.

Some time passed and the sadness is gone now, but my heart feels like it's still sighing and hasn't stopped.

[Ray]

I had the pleasure of watching Yuen Woo Ping's True Legend aka Beggar Su film today. The first half of the movie was pretty good, but the second half not so much. That and I was cracking Jay Chou jokes with a good friend of mine through most of the film. (Seriously, Jay Chou as god of martial arts? Why didn't they use the much more appropriate Gordon Liu who simply stood in the background and laughed?)
A relative of mine passed away recently, in fact I am glad because at the very least this person is no longer suffering. I had a strong wish to see this person free from suffering and it was during a meditation session that I felt a presence and a sense of reassurance. It was right after this feeling that I received a phone call that this person was getting ready to leave. Accordingly I used my mind to send blessings and make the transition as peaceful as possible.
To be able to do this, is in of itself a blessing. Thank you Sifu.
I think during the time when this person was sick and combined with the news that another close friend of mine contracted a brain tumor I actually ended up becoming quite upset at my inability to help them. Despondent, I sought out advice from a mentor of mine who taught yoga, and he told me that if I focused on what I did not have, it would grow bigger, while if I focused on what I did have, that too would grow bigger In other words, I needed to change my mind around and focus on what I could do, instead of what I could not.
This really empowered my spirit and ever since then I've been pretty active. I plan to get back and bring as much happiness as I can to the people I care about.
At the same time this really impacted my academic life and training. Finals week just finished and sometimes during that week I would find myself faced with a question I had honestly no clue how to answer. Instead of panicking I would force myself to focus on what I did know, and sometimes the answer would present itself. Similarly, instead of focusing on not having enough internal force, I simple appreciated that I actually possessed some internal force and for some reason it just became more and more apparent.
Heck, I could even reasonably imitate one of the drunken stances in True Warrior and feel chi and power flow to my fingers. Although I truly, truly have so much to learn that's pretty awesome just being able to do that.

I don't consider myself exemplary or high level in anyway, but practicing pushing mountain and tai chi and feeling that power radiate from my palms...I can only lift up my head and say:
"God, these arts are amazing."
Their vastness is simply majestic. This is my opinion only, but I've come to really realize that the essence of the arts is the same. Sure, the branches and leaves may be different but an internal art is an internal art.
I couldn't really explain it, just a gut instinct -- some essence that was always a part of you-- a treasure that is always with you.

Gratefully,

Ray

[Ray]

A month ago, I had the good fortune of learning Chen Style Tai Chi from a teacher in Guangzhou, China. I've been a fan of Chen Style for some time because of it's unique qualities and style of fa jing which was more visible than other styles of Tai Chi.
The class was held outside basically next to a small soccer field. I was very curious and excited to meet Master Zhang. I wanted to see if he was a wushu performer or someone who practiced tai chi as a martial art.
Master Zhang was short, stocky, and had a very outgoing personality, constantly tapping you on the leg or shoulder. He looked youthful but I could tell he must have come from a rough background growing up in Shandong. After hearing my interest and asking me the obligatory "What do you think is Tai Chi?" question he performed the Chen Style Old Frame First Set as a demonstration.
I've met some interesting characters in my life but his killing intent was probably the most palpable. The strength of the intention was very strong, showing his constant practice (This is all I do, he told me)
I could also tell from his constant shoulder tapping and leg slapping that he had some internal force.
As I expected, I was first taught one basic posture which I ended up practicing daily and still do. It's a marvelous technique and to be honest if all I learned was this one single movement, it would still be worth it.
The assistant instructor was a steel-eyed youth around my age who often asked me lots of fun questions about America. He was one of those hard exterior types who deep down inside was a really nice guy.

I've grown used to being asked fun questions, my favorite questions being:
Can one purchase garlic in America?
Do you have a gun back home?
Do you eat a lot of beef?

Lu, the assistant instructor, originally grew up as a wushu performer at one of the wushu academies near the Shaolin Temple in Henan. I spent the most time with him. He was an excellent forms teacher and I was able to learn very quickly under his structured teaching style and also with the skills Sifu transmitted to me.
As I practiced I found how much I really enjoyed this form set, it's flowing and twisting qualities are really powerful and elegant. Although I cannot say I have great experience with Dragon form, this would be what I imagine Dragon form to be like-- a spiraling serpent surrounded by heavenly clouds and crashing waves of awesome.
I was even lucky enough to see the Old Frame Second Form set (the combat nature is even more apparent than the First Form) which he taught to his senior students.
As is typical of me, I asked Master Zhang some combat application questions. Master Zhang was of the "Principles over Form" school of thought and did not fight using traditional tai chi forms. He was still a tricky fighter though, and I fondly remember him blocking a strike I threw at his face and countering with a strike at my face with his parrying hand and a low punch to my belly at the same time.
Thinking back, I may have been able to avoid it with a step back into a false leg and a hand sweep or even better, just move out of the way, but I was there to learn-- not to spar with the teacher.
Unfortunately, I was only able to learn about one fourth of the whole form during my brief visit. Although learning from videos is a very poor substitute I am lucky to have learned enough of the foundation from him to be able to pick up a good portion of the rest.
My gratitude to Sifu and Wahnam for giving me the ability to perform the form using chi flow versus dancing.

Continuing the world warrior path,

Ray