help with a "delicate" issue

[mike3396815]

I have a close family member who I know has been using marijuana for a long time, but he's not aware that I know. I want to tell him i'm concerned for his health (I read some articles about how long-term use literally "burns up" your kidney yin and jing), but I'm not sure how to do it without face-to-face and it hurts me to know that he is probably addicted and going down this path. Help!

Also those studying chinese medicine are there any specific healing treatments besides high-quality chi kung that might help?

Cheers

[Daoist]

There are many herbs that nourish the kidneys. Shou Wu is an excellent choice for such. It may be eaten raw or cooked and may be taken for extended periods, but do not eat any raw garlic when taking Shou Wu. This is also known as a longevity herb. But I think that chi gong would be a better alternative because chi gong will clear any chi blocked in the meridians from smoking, as well as giving relaxation to the mind. Your friend would have no need for marijuana and its effects if good chi gong is practiced. I do not know much about marijuana and its addictiveness but the "addiction" to it may be more of a mental dependency on the effects it gives rather than a physical dependency. If that is the case, it is his/her thoughts that influence their decision to smoke. Their mind must be pure to affect a change. It is their decision, after all.

[Charles David]

Hi Mike,

I think the problem, for you, is in the title of your thread: "delicate."

If I am reading this correctly, the situation is not delicate.

Don't mince words, just tell him: "I know you've been smoking regularly and I'm concerned for you health."

As an English teacher I tell my students to be specific, and use details. Those could sound like this: "Your skin has turned blotchy. Your eyes look dull. You are forgetful, belligerent, and moody. Your body odor is offensive. You are neglecting your duties and appearance. Your behaviour is erratic. etc. etc. "

It's probably best to choose a time when they are not high. And you should expect defensiveness, perhaps aggression, so you might like to choose a venue where you are able to make a ready exit. Say your words and leave if need be.

Be brave.


Truly,

[Dorit]

Hello Mike,

you mention it is a close family member. Well, consuming drugs for a long time means that there is something wrong with his inner feelings. What do you think, would you be able to feel what has happened that has hurt him so deeply? Try to find out - just to help him directly.
Be with your family member, and show him that you are with him, regardless what has happened. Being with him shows him that he is not lonely and abandoned, and that there is no fault, no sin (religious themes in your family??), no failing, no blemish. That he might trust.
I think there is an important key: Something must have happened, maybe in his youth or childness, that has shattered him in a way to take drugs to survive and "forget". But our mind never forgets ... and all this we are taking with us, for years, for our whole life.
If you might find out what has happened in your family member's life, and you are able to show him your smiling heart (meaning: showing him that everything is forgiven) - you may seed healing for him.

We all want other people to be as they are, without any masks, just sincere. Being sincere and smiling with our heart helps us and others.

My regards,
confermezza

PS: My English is not so smooth - please ask if you do not understand well!

[barrys]

Mike,

Always "treat" the whole person rather than just the symptoms. Without knowing the person and their circumstances any advice can only be general.

However, at the general level two things need to co-incide, in my personal experience of both getting off drugs/alcohol and helping those who are trying. That their life gets and is recognised as being "bad" enough, and hope arrives that life could be lived happily without the need for chemical help.

Are there any clear consequences happening - health, relationships, financial, effect on family? Is anyone helping fund or protect his/her lifestyle? If anyone played the video of this person's life forward how does it turn out if it carries on like this? Have things changed/taken a turn for the worse or does their drug use fit in as part of their long-term personality/lifestyle?

With metta,

Barry

[Charles David]

Hi Mike,


After my last post, I realized I left something out:

I really am sorry to hear of your relation's problem. I know quite a few people who have, or continue, to suffer from this, so I know how bad it can be. It is certainly not the benign and happy smoke many users would like to believe. And contrary to some beliefs, it is indeed dangerously addictive. That being said, I also know a number of people who have been successful kicking the habit, including several who have used our Shaolin Cosmos Chi Kung to help.

I wish you all the best with this situation.

Good Luck.

Still,

[Andrea]

Dear Mike

I am sorry to hear about your and your family member's problem.

You speak of a "delicate issue" and that you want to help "without face-to-face". Why is it "delicate"? What is the worst that can happen, if you do speak to the person? Are you willing to risk it or not? And if so why not?
And is there a practical reason why you cannot tell the family member your concerns "face-to-face" (because you live too far away for example) or is it a personal reason (because you prefer not to)?
Both issues are your issues, work on them first. You might find that being clear about them, helps not only yourself, but will also change things for the person in question.

As for helping the family member, once you halve solved your issues above. I do not know what your relationship to the family member is and how old you are. My advice would depend on this.

At a general level, as others have mentioned, there needs to be a willingness to change, coming from the person herself. Even a glimpse of a need to change is fine. But it needs to come from the person.
This need often appears (but not always) when a person hits "the bottom", where things are so bad, that the only way to continue, is to get out of it. An effective way to help, can therefore be to stop supporting the person. This is extremely hard for the family I know, and it is no guarantee that the person will want to change. For people heavily addicted to drugs/alcohol it can work well. Yet it will all depend on the overall situation and the persons involved and is not a recipe to apply to all situations .

For a casual consumer or at the beginning, where self-esteem, social relationships, health, work etc are still important, reasoning and offering alternatives might work. Especially if you can show the person that the drugs are starting to affect these areas and that it will become worse. (See Sisook Charles's post above for examples). However for young consumers these might also be the major reasons why they started to consume drugs (be part of the group). Suitable alternatives will depend on why the person started to consume the drugs, the overall situation etc. Chi Kung could be excellent to clear some blockages and support the process. And there are other options but again it will depend on the person and the situation.

In most countries there are good support groups for family members of drug addicted persons. You might want to check if there is one in your region. They tend to be very helpful both for practical information and for dealing with the situation.

Best regards
Andrea

[mike3396815]

Thank you everyone for your wonderful replies.

To clarify, I was also using delicate to refer to the effects on the lungs, which are considered the "delicate" organ. But its also because we are close, and as I have had a past-history of drug use I feel it would be hyprocritical for me to discuss with him.

There is a lot of good information here, I hope to add to it with a positive update in future!

Cheers