Ray's Training Journal

[Ray]

Calm Waters

Dear Family,
Grad school has been quite an interesting experience for me. I can honestly say that if it weren't for my spiritual practice I might have ended up experiencing a nervous breakdown. It was extremely difficult for me because I was in an intensive translation program and I felt the limitations of my fluency in Chinese compared to native born speakers rubbed cruelly against my face. Since language progress, like kung fu, is a gradual thing I suppose it was really easy to distress over the lack of progress (or the seeming lack of progress). Although confronting weaknesses is actually the best way to grow and improve, for someone who's mind is weakened by self-doubt, it can be demoralizing.
However after talking with the professors over some concerns I've begun to feel a lot better while a day before I swear I wanted to just hide underneath the desk in a fetal position. Sometimes a simple solution is best. My meditation on emptiness in this case didn't help because I ended up experiencing a lack of motivation or apathy which is incorrect. My chi kung and kung fu practice suffered because my shen was so dispersed I couldn't get the 100% out of the session I usually could
Sometimes when one's mind is really disturbed it's a good idea to go to outside help. When you invest a lot of authority in someone, they can really help you help yourself. All that junk needed a Sangha element to cleanse out, sometimes you need that along with the other two jewels.

I hope those in similar situations find this helpful.
Please feel free to also share.

Sincerely,

Ray

[Ray]

Persevering and Smiling

Dear Family,
I continue on my eccentric and colorful journey through life. My legs are sore, but I'm proud that I've been able to practice a five minute minimum horse stance daily for a period of time now. Although I've adjusted to my school routine I still don't know what the future holds for me. Overall I am grateful for my experiences so far, I've learned a great deal already especially in the areas of business, management and the Chinese language. I've discovered how similar successful management methods are to our school's aims and objectives, and how important it is to create objective definitions of success for your aims and objectives.
At the same time I constantly feel my nose brush against my limits. I'm sure I've probably transcended them once or twice by now, set the bar higher without realizing it. Emotionally, I've noticed some sort of cleansing occur at my chest I've been experiencing some childhood emotions that have been locked away. I try and smile from the heart, sometimes I manage to forgive, other times, I just keep on smiling.
Loneliness is a creation of the mind, even if you are surrounded by smiling, supportive friends you can still feel alone. With regards to this, I've found meditating on emptiness gives me a sense of peace and wholeness. The old emotions from middle school won't go away so easily. The old questions of why you are here, and what are you doing this all for can still nag you. I try to breathe and exhale all that musty mind fog.
Peace comes to me in the present moment. Let the past and all that pain melt back into light. I don't know where I'm going in life anymore, and that scares me to a certain degree. I wish I had some firm ground inside to stand on, but lately it feels like I've been exerting myself just to keep from slipping back down the muddy slope.
Although I feel lost cutting through illusions daily I close my eyes and quiet the mind. Relax the spirit and breathe...listening to my footsteps, it's the best I can do right now.

With love and courage,

Ray

[BubblyHai]

Happy Birth Day. May all your problems stay small and you dreams stay big.

[Ray]

Thanks for the birthday wishes ^_^

[Ray]

Battling Colds

Dear Family,
I hope this post finds you all well. Over the weekend I developed severe cleansing symptoms otherwise known as a mild cold, but it was strong enough that I was basically bed ridden over the weekend, unable to focus my mind on my studies very well.
Sickness is an interesting thing, I find that it can be a good reminder of mortality and that you're not invincible. It's also good for meditating on detachment from this human body. I found the best cold fighting tools I had were home made chicken soup, Black Tiger Steals Heart to build up a sweat, a quick shower, and sleep. Since I was cleansing my body and mind many negative minds and emotions were emerging. I realized over the weekend that I had to not just confront them, but embrace them before finally coming to terms and letting them go.
Over the past few weeks I felt lost, uncertain to where I was going and if the direction I was going was correct. However, I suddenly realized that as long as I served the Divine on a daily basis, I would be heading in the right direction. So last weekend I saw my overcoming sickness as a service to the Divine, and if I felt my brain foamed over when I opened a textbook I would write or do something positive for other people instead. It was then that I really felt I understood the principle that when you are feeling most down, now is the time to help others the most.
The fact that everyday had an element of service helped me align myself again and a lot of the uncertainties I was experiencing finally began to die down. When helping others you feel strength well out from within you. At the same time, I could not cling to service, and when I performed my task I would feel tired and half dead half alive again. To keep this positive mind alive I would simply breathe and offer the light I exhaled to all living beings.

Besides this, I found watching Iron Monkey and Once Upon a Time in China part 1 extremely therapeutic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca6Ba1odirs&feature=related

(Ahh, I feel like I'm eight years old again...)

[Ray]

Standing Zen

Dear Family,
I have discovered that Standing Zen is probably one of the most beautiful experiences in the world. If was only after reading Wuji Sihing mention how important it is to practice Standing Zen before your practice that I realized how powerful it truly is.
It was only after I entered the Zen state of mind that I began to understand what Sifu meant when he was discussing how to be in a zen state of mind throughout the day. It was opening your arms and letting all the thoughts and external stimuli wash over you. As your spirit relaxes cosmic energy becomes a companion moment to moment. I am beginning to understand now what a great Xingyi master once meant when he explained that with no thoughts there is oneness when thoughts arise it is gone.

With Shaolin Salute,

Ray

[Josh]

I have discovered that Standing Zen is probably one of the most beautiful experiences in the world.

Wonderful! It's incredible how such a simple thing can completely change ones practice, not to mentions ones day-to-day life. Your whole post made me very happy....for you, for myself, for everyone in our school!

.....with no thoughts there is oneness when thoughts arise it is gone.

All my best,
Josh

[Ray]

Shaolin vs Ninja

Dear Family,
I wanted to share a fun, friendly sparring experience I had with a friend of mine recently. He is a practitioner of Bujinkan Budo Taijutsu, a very famous school founded by Masaaki Hatsume that emphasizes the traditional arts that real ninjas practiced in the past. I've had experience with Bujinkan practitioners before and I've always been impressed with their extremely deceptive and profound style.
My friend had been practicing Bujinkan for almost ten years and he was a dedicated practitioner. He fought very different from a kickboxer and as he moved into different postures his strikes would be one continuously flowing unity of his whole body. I found going straight in very difficult since his hands would always be positioned well and often when I came in for a black tiger he would posture his body and his fist would be at my nose before my black tiger connected in a no defense direct counter. Being extremely agile, my friend was also very deceptive, using the unique "four elements" stances of a Bujinkan practitioner to switch from a high strike to a low with ease, turn a strike into a pressure point grab if he needed to, and save himself in a tight ukemi roll if necessary. Being a ninja, his spacing was excellent and his feet were always at an angle so that he could sprint away and run if he needed to or move sideways and take advantage of an opening. One of the most fun things about Bujinkan I noticed was that a lot of the movements were also designed for using and hiding weapons such as shuriken, smoke bombs, etc. A technique was a strike to the groin, throwing spikes to the ground to distract pursuers, and can be modified overhead to throw bombs and shurikens.
Both of us were able to spar for thirty to forty five minutes and I think it was a testament to both our art's profundity since neither of us were panting for breath afterwards.
At the same time, there was also lots of laughter and learning.

With Shaolin Salute,

Ray

[Ray]

Courage and Confidence: Growth

Dear Family,
Have you ever had an experience where you felt like the whole world you were standing on is gone? That's what has happened to me recently, once again I feel like the foundation under me has been pulled away, and I am left floating in darkness, questioning. Of course, by now I've grown accustomed to this, and I've learned to welcome this state of being lost, since I know that it is only part of the path to greater learning and growth.
Having been hurt in the past, I've found that I've erected a lot of high barriers inside but it was only after a meditation session and greeting some old friends that I realized just how high those walls are, and how much fear was really inside. I've realized that I've become afraid to trust, afraid to disclose what I am really thinking, afraid of being hurt by others. Generally I strike a compromise of sorts, trusting others and disclosing only to a certain degree, but I think a part of me has really lost faith in people, always afraid that I'm being lied to or deceived, that their kindness is too good to be true.
It is a burden, being mentally "armed" at all times. I want to put this sword that's inside down, but past experiences are hard to let go of, even though I've forgiven, the pain is still close.

Time for some lifting the sky, and mindfulness I don't have an answer, but I'm sure I'll arrive at one.

Best,

Ray

[Ray]

Courage and Confidence: Cosmic Love and Song Dynasty Fist

Dear Family,
After recognizing the adjustments I needed to make mentally, I made a determination to change myself.
I was having a rough day, driving to the Buddhist temple while telling myself that break ups and rejection was a good thing and made you stronger. I probably felt pretty frustrated at the world and figured that breathing and existing would have to be enough. Reaching the meditation center, I closed my eyes and began to focus on my breathing and cosmic love. Slowly, as I listened to teachings on how all things arise from the mind, I realized that I didn’t need anything outside, that all that I needed has always been within. If I kept chasing after external things I would be inevitably disappointed. Divine love was there, and as I relaxed more and more I began to realize how truly not alone I was, and how everything was going to be fine.
After the session, I spent a few minutes chatting with some friends and one of them told me:
“It’s good to see you.”
It’s a phrase I hear fairly often and it seemed to be only something polite to say. But that time, when I heard it, I realized that the person telling me this really meant it and I felt a sense of warmth in my chest. I realized that sometimes taking a few falls would make you numb to all the love around you. It didn’t mean that it was not there, the heart was just too closed to respond. Afterwards, I felt lighter and I literally felt all that junk on my shoulders was being taken off.
From that point on, there has been much improvement. When I feel my mind tense around other people I would remind myself that these are my brothers and sisters, once that happens I could feel that sword in my mind be put down. Training with other practitioners is lots of fun as well. My kung fu is slowly improving, I think I’ve finally evolved from a single cell organism to an amoeba compared to the frightening jellyfish and sea serpents that are my seniors. One of my partners is a practitioner of a very rare Chinese martial art called “Song Dynasty fist” it reminds me a bit of Hsing Yi, actually.
Our last push hands/ friendly sparring session was a good experience. He’s bigger than me, and quite powerful. With my left hand I move in for an uppercut while my right hand is held in an Amitabha palm guard position. But just when I think I’ve got him my training partner pulls off a move that I didn’t see coming and my head is gently cuffed twice on each temple. Bap. Bap.
Moments like these are memorable, it reminds me of that time my Dad used a northern Shaolin move and had his fist hovering less than an inch from the back of my head.
After being slapped around, we just smile at each other and laugh. It’s one of those bizarre martial art paradoxes: enjoying each others company by beating each other up.

Best,

Ray

[MaxP]

Dear Brother,

Divine love was there, and as I relaxed more and more I began to realize how truly not alone I was, and how everything was going to be fine.

How wonderful it is to open the heart.

All my best wishes for your training and life,

Max

Namo Amitabha Buddha, Namo Amitabha Buddha, Namo Amitabha Buddha

[Ray]

Dear Brother,



How wonderful it is to open the heart.

All my best wishes for your training and life,

Max

Namo Amitabha Buddha, Namo Amitabha Buddha, Namo Amitabha Buddha

Thanks, Brother!

[Ray]

Adversity, Teaching, and Learning

A few weeks ago, I caught a terrible cold/flu/biblical illness that left me bedridden for nine days. The experience was painful, I was coughing every few breaths and my body was so sore I couldn't sleep. Since my body was using so much energy to fight the illness I became cold very easily and I think the worst episode was when I was trying to vomit but was unable to, coughing and hacking like a miserable wreck.
Fortunately, I still had my practice to rely on, and the energy from Lifting the Sky warmed up my body and eased my tired breathing. I realized that I was too arrogant, thinking that just because I practiced Shaolin Chi Kung and Kung Fu, I was invincible and didn't take good care of myself. I swore to myself that if I could help it I wouldn't go through this experience again even if I had to become vegetarian, vegan, or hippie.
As my energy slowly began to return, I realized how much disease truly is a battle with up and down moments. I also stayed true to my vow and began to implement new changes to my lifestyle, such as eating vegetarian every other day and getting up at 5:30 in the morning to train (I wish to thank God for giving me the strength to do this, since it can be incredibly hard to get up in the morning)
Soon after this cleansing, new people began to enter into my life.
One of my new push hands/play sparring partners also used to practice boxing and judo. He had incredible natural sensitivity and was a very fast learner. He would often listen to my intent and avoid my strike before I could exert force. I found practicing with him took me to certain limits and revealed to me my weaknesses. Training with people of different backgrounds and styles often did this, and I encouraged myself as I strived to grow.
All my partners and friends were also my teachers. I found myself gaining new lessons in being humble, and I admired how open and honest they were. We would exchange knowledge often, and I found myself meeting new meditation groups, learning new Dharma practices, and appreciating the beauty of different music, dancing, and cultures.
Amongst the laughter, I found much cleansing occuring in my heart, and I would smile from the heart as often as I could to dispel the negative imprints. I realized that I didn't need to think of a reason to enjoy the present, mindfulness was simply an enjoyable experience.

Shaking off the past, I'll continue to walk forward.
Smiling in the present, I honor the heroes of the past with my ideals

With Shaolin Salute,

Ray

[Ray]

Bagua

Recently, on one hot blue sky afternoon, I practiced against my first bagua palm practitioner.
It's one thing to see the agile footwork and shifting palms on video, it's another thing entirely to experience it in a play sparring scenario. The result of this experience: I feel quite dizzy.
I never knew there were animals in Bagua until I was introduced to the powerful dragon, monkey, snake, and a few sneaky kick moves. Knowing my friend practiced bagua I was ready for some dizzying circle walking, but my friend ended up walking less and striking more.
We were both experimenting and he had some pretty terrific internal force: if that arm was going down, I wasn't going to be blocking that head on. Still, I found the tiger claw a pretty useful friend, and I was getting better with some of my timing and spacing. Still his deceptive and twisty movements were confusing and it would be hard to find an opening because he was always moving his body.
It was a great experience and after an hour of practice we both sat down under a shady tree and talked about our respective teachers. I managed to surprise him with some of the techniques I used and he showed me some pretty profound insights on using the palm and elbow.

Cheers,

Ray

[Andrew R]

Thanks for the update, brother Ray. I'm glad you're enjoying some friendly learning.

All the best,
Andrew